It is time again for more DUMB STATE LAWS.
As my regular readers know, I am doing a series of blogposts of dumb state laws from every great state in our union, alphabetically. I do them about once a month or so on my blog, along with in MY COMMENTS in bold italics.
Up next?
The great state of Connecticut!!!:
So here goes!:
1. Town records may not be kept where liquor is sold. Well, dognabbit! I suppose it makes sense though. Because you could have some bored tricksters doing some crazy altering of records if they did them at the bar. Let's see...let's put that the baby's father on this birth record as: oh, I don't know...how about Ozzy Osborne? And just for kicks, lets put that they got married a year later to spice it up. Bartender, what did you say your name was? (Heh, heh..let's put him as the mother).
2. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. Let's say it all together now: .......Only if they catch them.
Holy Shit...can you pedal 65 miles an hour??? Let's just hope they mean in a MOTOR bike.
3. In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. You know, jobs are hard to find with the economy now. But damn...I want to be the pickle bouncer SO bad. And another thing....what do they do with all the pickles that DON'T bounce? Throw them out? Maybe you can buy the non-bouncy ones at the Dollar Store?
You know, when I was trying to decide what to be when I grew up, NONE of my counselors told me about being a pickle bouncer. Life is just not fair. Because I SO would have picked THAT for my career!
You know, when I was trying to decide what to be when I grew up, NONE of my counselors told me about being a pickle bouncer. Life is just not fair. Because I SO would have picked THAT for my career!
4. It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. So, are the non-bouncy pickles and the used razor blades hanging out somewhere together??? Awww..THAT explains sliced pickles, now doesn't it?
So, where DO you get rid of used razor blades?
You know, the old medicine cabinets used to have a slit in them where you were supposed to slip the used razor blades into them so they would end up between the walls of your house. Did you know that?
Which is why I do NOT live in any state with tornadoes. Because man, if those walls come apart, you have flying, rusting razor blades whizzing through the air. Some vital part of your anatomy may end up being sliced off!!
So, where DO you get rid of used razor blades?
You know, the old medicine cabinets used to have a slit in them where you were supposed to slip the used razor blades into them so they would end up between the walls of your house. Did you know that?
Which is why I do NOT live in any state with tornadoes. Because man, if those walls come apart, you have flying, rusting razor blades whizzing through the air. Some vital part of your anatomy may end up being sliced off!!
5. You cannot buy any alcohol after 9pm or on Sundays after noon on Sunday. Man, those football watchers are going to be P.O'd in Connecticut. You better stock up BEFORE those Sunday games...or else no beer for you in Connecticut.
6. It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway. What? I cannot be a highway sniper?
Does this include the police?
So I can do an O.J. Simpson and drive my white jeep on the freeway there and they can't shoot at me to get me to stop...not even if I commit a crime?
7. In Devon:
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. Well, dang. I love doing that after a few drinks.
Wait a minute, does that mean that people all over Connecticut are walking backwards BEFORE sunset down the roads?
Well, it must be okay, because the police can't discharge a firearm at you if you are doing it down a highway.
Can you SKIP backwards after sunset? What about HOP? GALLOP???
8. In Gullford:
Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display. What? NO COLORED CHRISTMAS LIGHTS in Gullford???? Should be called DULL-FORD!!!
I bet baby Jesus would even protest this law!
9. In Hartford:
6. It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway. What? I cannot be a highway sniper?
Does this include the police?
So I can do an O.J. Simpson and drive my white jeep on the freeway there and they can't shoot at me to get me to stop...not even if I commit a crime?
7. In Devon:
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. Well, dang. I love doing that after a few drinks.
Wait a minute, does that mean that people all over Connecticut are walking backwards BEFORE sunset down the roads?
Well, it must be okay, because the police can't discharge a firearm at you if you are doing it down a highway.
Can you SKIP backwards after sunset? What about HOP? GALLOP???
8. In Gullford:
Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display. What? NO COLORED CHRISTMAS LIGHTS in Gullford???? Should be called DULL-FORD!!!
I bet baby Jesus would even protest this law!
9. In Hartford:
You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. And good Lord, if it is after sunset, I bet you can't cross backwards on your hands either.
What if you have no legs?
It must be because it is where Hartford INSURANCE company is from...too many mishaps walking on those hands, crossing the street.
What if you have no legs?
It must be because it is where Hartford INSURANCE company is from...too many mishaps walking on those hands, crossing the street.
10. You may not educate dogs. Poor, poor Connecticut. Home of dumb dogs.
Come to think of it, maybe that is where my last dog CAME from. Because he was dumber than sticks.
Come to think of it, maybe that is where my last dog CAME from. Because he was dumber than sticks.
11. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday. Good God...Connecticut: Home of dumb dogs and unkissed wives.
They probably just made that law since they can't buy beer after noon on Sunday and watch football while drunk. No drunk football watching=well then, no kissing the little woman, either.
What if SHE kisses HIM??
Who proves this in court? No, no Judge...SHE kissed me. I did NOT kiss her.
12. In New Britian:
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire. Wow...you'd think in the state where HARTFORD insurance company came from, they would've thought this out a little more. Because my house would burn down by the time the 25 mph firetrucks finally pulled up....
Maybe they don't OFFER fire insurance in Connecticut? I sure wouldn't want to insure any houses where this was the law where they were located. I bet you have a 99.9% chance that EVERY fire would result in a total loss there.
12. In Rocky Hill:
An arcade may not have more than a total of four amusement devices such as ping-pong tables, pinball machines, or shuffleboard tables. Let's say it all together now: BORING!!!! What, no attention span in Connecticut? Can't multitask in Connecticut? Maybe they think more than four would start a fire...and the closest fire trucks are housed in New Britian??
13. In Southington:
Silly string is banned. Well, they just aren't ANY fun, are they? Maybe you can save your silly string to aim at the fires in New Britian. Or the wives in Connecticut can use it only as a last ditch self-defense mechanism if their husbands DARE to try to kiss them on a Sunday.
14. In Waterbury:
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer. Ok, FINALLY a Connecticut law I can agree with.
Because I had to almost kill the last beautician who did my hair...if she hummed: "My heart's bleeding" ONE more time in my ear while doing my hair, I would have had to silly string her!!!! Whoops, I guess NOT if I lived in Connecticut!
I may just have to write the Connecticut legislature and ask them to make an amendment to add: "no chewing gum or wearing excess perfume" to that law, too while I am at it.
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That's it for Connecticut Dumb Laws, folks!!
Stay tuned for the next set of Dumb State Laws. You never know if you might be breaking the law!
They probably just made that law since they can't buy beer after noon on Sunday and watch football while drunk. No drunk football watching=well then, no kissing the little woman, either.
What if SHE kisses HIM??
Who proves this in court? No, no Judge...SHE kissed me. I did NOT kiss her.
12. In New Britian:
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire. Wow...you'd think in the state where HARTFORD insurance company came from, they would've thought this out a little more. Because my house would burn down by the time the 25 mph firetrucks finally pulled up....
Maybe they don't OFFER fire insurance in Connecticut? I sure wouldn't want to insure any houses where this was the law where they were located. I bet you have a 99.9% chance that EVERY fire would result in a total loss there.
12. In Rocky Hill:
An arcade may not have more than a total of four amusement devices such as ping-pong tables, pinball machines, or shuffleboard tables. Let's say it all together now: BORING!!!! What, no attention span in Connecticut? Can't multitask in Connecticut? Maybe they think more than four would start a fire...and the closest fire trucks are housed in New Britian??
13. In Southington:
Silly string is banned. Well, they just aren't ANY fun, are they? Maybe you can save your silly string to aim at the fires in New Britian. Or the wives in Connecticut can use it only as a last ditch self-defense mechanism if their husbands DARE to try to kiss them on a Sunday.
14. In Waterbury:
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer. Ok, FINALLY a Connecticut law I can agree with.
Because I had to almost kill the last beautician who did my hair...if she hummed: "My heart's bleeding" ONE more time in my ear while doing my hair, I would have had to silly string her!!!! Whoops, I guess NOT if I lived in Connecticut!
I may just have to write the Connecticut legislature and ask them to make an amendment to add: "no chewing gum or wearing excess perfume" to that law, too while I am at it.
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That's it for Connecticut Dumb Laws, folks!!
Stay tuned for the next set of Dumb State Laws. You never know if you might be breaking the law!
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