More Dumb State Laws: Indiana!

Yes! It's time again for MORE DUMB STATE LAWS with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.

Up this time?

The wonderful state of INDIANA.

1. Waitresses may not carry drinks into a restaurant or bar.

It's going to be a little rough getting your beers, mateys! She may have to roll them on the floor to you! Watch that foam! She can always just tuck a few bottles into the cleavage. NOW I know why Hooters came about in Indiana! (The bigger the hooters, the more she can carry to the tables).

2. If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.

So, no Muppets in Indiana. Boy, that is pretty harsh. Wire dancing may be a little too scary for me, too....they would have to pay ME to watch it. And I guess there will never be the summer Olympics in Indiana, because there is no tumbling allowed!

3. Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.

Someone is getting very rich in Indiana....

4. A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.

Again, someone in Indiana is getting very rich. And you can bet a few of the people that are playing cards are ALSO swearing and using God's name in vain, so it's a win-win for the fines!!!

5. The value of Pi is 3.

Evidently in Indiana, they just "round down" and forget all those mathematical theories....I want to see what the circles look like in Indiana. I bet they are a fraction or so less round? Wonder that the shape of their pizzas look like? Maybe THAT is where the companies that make their pizzas square came from?? (Unless their 90 degree angles in Indiana are like, oh, I don't know....89.1 degrees?)

6. It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.

Can I be the one to check for infractions? Please???? Can I do a body pat down??? PUUUHHHHLEESE??? (A girl has to have fun).
I guess there aren't any men that go to the beach in Indiana then, hmmm?
You might as well say it is illegal to breathe in Indiana then, right???

7. Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

This, obviously is to prevent WOMEN from being sexually aroused in Indiana.
I imagine it gets mighty RIPE between October and March in Indiana.
Wonder how this law ever got passed "back in the day"? Was all the water FROZEN so they had no water to take baths in?

8. Oral sex is illegal.

Not going to be a problem anyway, between October and March. I mean....EEE-WWWW. or Peee-uuuu.

9. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

I say, get NAKED, but keep your shoes and socks on. There, problem solved.

10. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.

Just go straight for the hard stuff. No milk, no pop...just beer, wine and liquor. Because liquor is quicker.

11. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.

Remind me not to get any wine coolers or beer in Indiana. Its gonna taste like crap all warm and stuff!

12. You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.

Did the President know about this when he was writing his healthcare plan??? All we gotta do is all pile our asses in a car and head for Indiana for our health care and say a prayer as soon as you hit the border! Damn those Congressmen and women for not sharing this with us sooner!

13. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.

Oh, sure! THEY get to smoke, because they are under pressure and stress. It's ok...someone will pray for them and their healthcare will be free. Well, maybe not, because isn't praying illegal in government buildings?

14. Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.

It's kind of hard to attach them to your trunk (pah-dunka-dunk) anyway...who wants lights on their junk? And besides, I am afraid to ask how you SIGNAL if you are going to turn right or left then....

15. No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.

And I do this so often, being as coordinated as I am.....

Heck, I say, if they are talented enough to DO this...they should be able to keep as many as they can catch!

16. Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.

It's going to be REALLY hard to pee in those bar's urinals then guys! Better practice by sitting down and aiming. It's only FAIR! WE have to do it that way!
What happens if there are no tables to sit at or stools to sit on? They aren't allowed to stand and have a beer? Gheeesh...how else are they going to check out the ladies?

17. You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table.

Just like the waitresses--you cannot carry any drinks. So, talk to the Hooter's girls and learn how to tuck and carry. Or, have that guy standing over there (who is going to get a ticket for just standing there anyway!) to bring it over to you. Who knows? Maybe he will turn out to be "your type"!

18. Drinks on the house are illegal.

I am DEFINITELY NOT going to go to the bars in Indiana.....WHAT??? NO 'on the house' there??? No fair! That is half the fun of celebrating with people at a bar! Gheesh!

19. You are required to pour your drink into a glass.

No drinking from a beer bottle? Well, they just are snooty in Indiana,aren't they?
Dang!

20. “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.

I LOVE this law in Indiana...this should be in EVERY state! Wonderful idea, don't you think????? And just WHAT would your co-workers DO all day then???

21. All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

I love this law too, because if every man (and heck women, too) had to work a little on your state's public roads, think what wonderful shape they would be in!
And you can BET that people would be more careful in construction zones...because it could be your MOM out there!

22. In Beech Grove: Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

HAHAHHAAAAA...this one just made me giggle.
I have a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans", and I am post-menopausal. Do I need to say MORE???? Just please don't have those handcuffs too tight, ok? We postmenopausals tend to bloat too, so it isn't pretty...

23. In Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears.

Well, dang....what fun is THAT! Cripes, that is half the fun of being a barber for crying out loud!

24. In Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.

Well, alrighty then. It's going to get verrrry dangerous on Main Street at night in Evansville.

Since its not allowed to put tail lights on as a Pedestrian, this is going to get down right entertaining, folks! Just line up your lawn chairs along the route and enjoy! (But if I were you, I wouldn't park it too close to the curb though, if you know what I mean).

25. In Gary: Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.

I am liking Indiana more and more, folks. EVERY state should have THIS law too!

26. In Indianapolis: One may only throw a stone at a bird in self-defense.

Oh, for heaven's sake....what do you mean IN SELF DEFENSE?? C'mon...what is a little tiny bird going to do to threaten you besides poop on ya? The law should say you may NEVER throw a stone at a bird. They must have watched Hitchcock's "THE BIRDS" movie there?

27. In South Bend: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.

Again...Indiana is just NO FUN!! (Besides, I know plenty of monkeys that smoke! Don't you?)

28. In Warsaw: No one may throw an old computer across the street at their neighbor.

Again....Indiana is TOTALLY no fun.

I would LOVE to know why they had to make this a law in Indiana....there must have been a rash of drive-by-throw-your-computer-at-your-neighbor crimes goin' on......

I don't know about you, but I just may go on an Indiana real estate site and look around....
oh, never mind...
I forgot about the sex laws and the mustache thing...
but then again...
if you pray, you don't pay (for healthcare)...
hmmm...
it just may be a wise move.

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