* Lisa Newsome, 42, was arrested in Zachary, La., in August,
caught trying to smuggle a 24-can case of beer out of a
convenience store. The heavyset, housecoat-clad Newsome was
squeezing the 20-pound case between her legs as she waddled from
the cooler toward the front door. When police arrived, Newsome
offered to pull up the dress to demonstrate how she carried the
case, but, said a police captain, "I told her, no thanks. I wasn't into
that." [WFTS-TV (Tampa)-AP, 9-1-09]
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1. Okay, I know you all know I went to Florida not too long ago. And I know YOU know that my daughter lives close to Tampa (in Madeira Beach)....but I SWEAR it was NOT me.
2. I don't wear dresses that often anyway.
3. Ok. I do waddle. I admit it.
4. But I am not as coordinated as this lady.
5. And I don't like beer. Now Amaretto and sour? I'd attempt it for THAT.
6. But 42 is just a memory for me at this point.
7. A memory I don't even remember, how sad is THAT?
8. In certain moods (especially after an Amaretto and Sour), I'd probably feel like flashing a policeman.
9. Because there is just something about a guy in uniform, just sayin'.
10. There are certain men (who shall remain nameless) that just might be into a woman with contortionist skills such as the ones she displayed.
11.There are certain men (who shall also remain nameless) that would LOVE a woman willing to smuggle a case of beer out this way for them.
12. I know, because I dated one once.
13. Okay. Maybe MORE than one.
14. And maybe (just maybe) I also dated a policeman or two once, too.
15. But I shall remain silent, should it be used against me in a court of law....
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