More Local Police Reports!

Yes...

it's time again for

LOCAL POLICE REPORTS

along

with MY COMMENTS
in bold italics.

Those of you that are new to my blog
probably don't know that I don't do all photography...

Sometimes I throw some humor articles in here too.

I regularly publish REAL reports
from my local newspaper
and make comments on them.

Because, frankly, they are funny...
and
I couldn't make this stuff UP if I TRIED!

So....

here we go!!!!:

For those of you that can't read the circled report, it says:

"10:58 a.m., homeless man yelling and singing on the corner

of Baraga and S. Fifth Street, advised to sing quieter."

***************************************************************************

1. Now, I don't know about YOU, but the fact that a homeless man feels good enough to SING is a great thing to me....I would NEVER report him to the police.  If YOU were homeless, would YOU be happy enough to be singing???  Nope. Me neither. (Give the guy credit for being happy for heaven's sake!!)

2. Being a good citizen, perhaps if the person that reported this to the police would've given the guy a sandwhich and a cup of coffee or a blanket or something it would have been better than reporting the poor guy to the police, don't  you think?

3. Did it make you smile to see that all the police did was ask him "to sing quieter"?  Good for them!!  They didn't order him to STOP singing...just to sing quieter.... I LOVED THAT!!!

4. Wonder what he was singing? Do you?

5. Wonder why the police didn't help  him by giving him the address of a local food bank or shelter? Or giving him a ride there? We have one here....I think they may have slipped up a bit there. Perhaps they did, but that wasn't published in the report. We can hope.

6. So, the lesson here is:
   a. the next time you see a homeless man loudly singing on a corner near YOU, please do NOT
      call the police and
  b. Please bring the guy a sandwich and a cup of coffee and maybe a new coat and
  c. don't wait for someone else to give him a list of places to find shelter and food, help  him out
      by providing this to him or even a ride there..... and
  d. heck....sing along with him in the car as you help him out.
 
I know it is a hard thing to do....
but it could be YOU or me out there on a corner someday, homeless... singing,  and trying to cope with the life that is suddenly thrust on us.........................................................................................

Ah, yes,...another LOCAL Police Report!

For those of you new to my blog (and thanks for joining us!!)...

Occasionally, I do some attempted humor.

I do some regular themed things on here besides photography.

One of the regulars I do are copies of my

LOCAL POLICE REPORTS

along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.

So today, that is my treat for you.

Read the circled Local Police Reports BELOW:

In case you can't read them well, here is a repeat of what they say, along with my comments:

1. 11:40 pm: woman crying at Lincoln and Cleveland:
We, in the north, are usually a pretty happy bunch.  So, I guess it makes news when someone is outside crying. We care, PEOPLE, we care!!!  Someone called the police to cheer her up, I guess....hope he came with his police stripper outfit and some music. I know that would cheer ME up...how about YOU?

2.  9:21 am: VOLUNTARILY missing person, later located, reported at the Police Station:
Now this is interesting. Someone VOLUNTERS to go away....(don't all people running away do it voluntarily?) Did they raise their hand at home or work and say: "Pick me, Pick me...I wanna volunteer to run away today!"?  Is this an official game of hide and seek? I am sure the police scratched their heads at the person calling in. I am sure it went something like this:

Person calling: "Hello? Police Station?  I am calling in a missing person report. Well, he really isn't missing...he woke up yesterday and said he was bored and asked if he could volunteer to disappear.  I really didn't want him to go missing, because I wanted him to clean the garage..but he insisted. So, he's missing."
Police: M'am...have you been drinking? 
Person calling: Nope. Just worried because he hasn't come home yet.
Police: Well, is the garage clean yet? Maybe he is waiting for you to pick up those oil spots and Christmas rubbermaid boxes always in the way of his tools? He'll probably return at sunset, or when the garage is done, whatever comes first.
Person calling: I suppose. Next time, I won't tell him ahead of time that I have a project in mind..that way, I won't have to call you.
Police: We'd appreciate that, M'am.
Person calling: So you aren't even going to do a house call to interview me? Because I saw a few of you selling those Policeman Ball tickets and yessiree....I likey what I saw!!!
Police: CLICK.

3. 4:56am: Suspicious situation: person crying, 700 block of Champion.
What did I tell you?  We don't have people crying here that often. When they do, someone calls it in so they can get help. Either that, or we have a LOT of sadness here because this is the second report in the same night.  Hmmm. I wonder if it was when the stock market crashed? That would explain it! Wait a minute! I bet it was that guy that ran away because he didn't want to clean the garage!!!????

More Local Police Reports!!!

Yes, that's right folks..

Time (again!)

for

Local Police Reports!

For those of you that are new to my blog (and thank you very much!!),

I occasionally provide

copies of REAL police reports from my local newspaper.

(Because, frankly, people...

you just can't make this stuff UP!)

and

I add

my own commments in bold italics.

So,

here you are!:

**********************************************************************

In case you are reading this on your I-phone and the print is awful (which it is because I scanned it), it says:

"9:48am: group of people in lot yelling and chanting,

turned out to be magazine salespeople getting ready

for their daily fireup before hitting the streets" (address).

1. Okay..this flat out made me giggle.

2. Who on earth would call this into the police? What were they afraid of?  Were they traumatized by door-to-door salespersons as a child?  Or maybe they were traumatized by those bible bangers that stop by pushing their "Lampost" magazines?

3. Can you picture this? 

4. It could be worse. You could have a job like those salespeople.

5. Have you ever seen them do this in Walmart?  One day, I was particularly tired and rushed to pick up something around 7am before work in a Walmart. Unknown to me, they gathered behind me and began YELLING their team-whatever-chant.  I dropped what I had in my hands I was so startled.  They just stopped, mid-chant, looked at me and then started up again. LOL

6. Come to think of it, maybe they DID need to be arrested. It's just wrong, people, totally and unequivitably WRONG.

7. I bet they never made ONE SINGLE sale on THAT block.

8. Can you imagine the police talking to them when they arrived after getting the complaint?
Police: "Ummm, who is the leader here in this gathering?"
Salesman Supervior (SS): "I am, Sir!"
Police: "What is it that is happening here? Is this some sort of protest?"
SS: "Oh no, Sir...we are just having our morning meeting to fire up for the day of sales".
Police: "Kind of unusual and suspicious behavior. You know, we have a complaint lodged against you..and possibly warranted. I mean, you all are kind of nerdy. Don't  you have a LIFE? You mean you LIKE this kind of work?"
SS: Yes, Sir..why, I practically LIVE sales. In fact, we sell the "Police Monthly"...here just take a looky, shall we...see the Police Officer of the Month in the fold out? Yessiree, you are going to want to take advantage of our special...today only!....a one year's subscription for the price of 18 months...you can't say NO to that, now can you?  Or how about "Detectives are Us"...you look like the kind of person that likes a bargain, no?"
Police: "That's it, fella....Book 'em Dano...The charges  you ask???  Solicitation without common sense and decency, disturbing the peace, not having a life, and being just plain annoying."

8. Yes, I have changed my mind. I would have called the complaint into the police, after all. 
(unless of course, they were selling "Bloggers' Business Weekly".  Hmmmm, wonder what block they are in today??????????????????????????????

More Local Police Reports: A Double Treat!

Time again for LOCAL POLICE REPORTS, along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.

Because there was only ONE weird report in each of these two days

of reporting,

I am giving you a double treat and showing you two separate police reports

this time.

So here we go!:

Okay...I didn't highlight the funny one from above.   But if you read the FIRST ONE, it reads:

"two small Pomeranians at large wearing sweaters".

THAT, my friends, is a henious crime!!!! 

I know that Paris Hilton has done it and a bunch of other skinny, young, drugged out stars...but you can't pull it off in the U.P. of Michigan, folks, even though it is dang cold.    No WONDER they ran away and are "at large". (By the way, there is no way those rats with thin hair could be at LARGE, but that is another debate!)  They ran away because they were humiliated to have sweaters on.  Even if they DID say "Go Pack Go" for the Green Bay Packers on the sweaters...it just isn't acceptable. Next thing you know, they would have made them wear those cheese head hats or the ones with the straws where you can drink beer directly from your hats! There has to be an end to this , people! I say arrest them and then call their owners and make them pay BIG fines for thinking that their anorexic, shaking-with-anxiety dogs are like their children! Enough!

Whew, thanks...I'm glad I got this off my chest.  And sorry to all of your Pomeranian owners out there....maybe I just don't get it why you like these dogs. No hate mail, please. I really do love dogs...almost all kinds.

***********************************************************************************

And now for the second Local Police Report:

***********************************************************************************
The "crime" in question is circled into the Police Report article above.  Loved the "turned out to be the moon rising", didn't you?  I just wanna know what the person (who called this in the police) was smoking?? Maybe (s)he had just RETURNED from the same party the minors were having on the beach and had imbibed????   I mean....WHO can't tell what the MOON is?  Was it the orange that through them off, or was it that the moon didn't look like a big slice of cheese????

Yes, folks.....

the excitement NEVER ends here..............

Don't you wish you were ME?????

More Local Police Reports!

 Yes!  Time again for MORE LOCAL POLICE REPORTS, along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics!

Just the other day, this jewel was in our local police reports...read the circled entry on the article below!:

 

****************************************************************************

1.  Oh Boy....!!  Does the word Alzheimer's come to mind??

2. I want whatever drug she is taking. NOW.

3. A "suspicious silver and shiny substance falling from sky"????  Wow.  Maybe the Aliens were peeing?  Maybe a fairy was sprinkling fairy dust?   I SO TOTALLY want to see this silver and shiny substance exactly the way SHE saw it.

4. I want to give an AWARD to the person who took this call at the Police station for not immediately cracking up giggling so hard that (s)he could not finish the report.  Or at least for not putting the caller on speakerphone for the staffs' entertainment.

5. How cold WERE her hands that the snowflake did not immediately melt in her hand, so that she didn't have to call the police in the first place....

6. Besides, why did she call the POLICE even if she thought it was a "suspicious substance" falling from the sky??  Maybe HAZMAT or  UFON, but not the local police!

7. Maybe she was from the south???  Never saw snow before???

8. It "looked like a snowstorm but knew it wasn't snowing".......hmmm...I'd call this DENIAL, folks...she REALLY must have wanted spring and just totally refused to believe it could possibly be SNOW! 

9. Maybe if we ALL denied seeing any more snow, if it in fact continues to fall....from now on, when I refer to snow after March 15th....I am just going to call it a "suspicious silver and shiny substance"....................are you WITH ME ON THIS???

More LOCAL Police Reports!...

Oh, yes...

Time again

for

MORE

LOCAL POLICE REPORTS.....

I thought I lost some of my old ones when my computer crashed, but they found some on the computer's memory and saved them!

Although they look a little discolored, you can still read them.

So here is one for you today.

Look at the FIRST entry (and the second one) and then MY COMMENTS below the article!:

First Entry:

1. At least they were doggy fashioneestas. I mean, if you are going to be "at large" (by the way, how "at large" can a Polmerian BE?), you might as well be wearing your sweater from Paris, right?

2. At least those little snipping barkers will be WARM while they are running all over town...because there is nothing more pitiful than those tiny, skin and bones yippers shivering uncontrollably with their little bugging eyes, IS there?

3. If they know the location and they know they are two dogs wearing sweaters running about there, it won't be too hard to find them, now will it?

4. Why couldn't the person calling this into the police just put a Whopper burger in front of them and pick them up and put them in their back pocket and call the Humane Society? Good Lord, they couldn't have been bigger than a fistful!

5. When you first read it, did the image of these two sweater-wearing tiny dogs crack you up? At least make you smile? (Because I giggled immediately!)

Second Entry:

1. Good Grief....cars swerving not to hit the children??? Let's HOPE SO!

2. Again, why didn't the person who called the police about this scene go outside immediately and get the kids out of harm's way instead of doing nothing but call the police???

3. What were they playing? Speed bump?

4. Where on earth were their parent(s)?

5. Maybe the scene was this:
Mom: You kids should go outside for a while instead of playing all day on those stupid video games!
Kids: Awwww, MOM..we don't want to!
Mom: I SAID, go and get your snowsuits and go OUTSIDE and PLAY!
Kids: There is nothing to do outside....what will we play?
Mom: I don't care WHAT you play, just go outside! Play in the traffic for all I care..just get your behinds out there.....

6. Moms should be careful what they say to their kids. Kids take things literally.......................

7. Also remember if you are a mom not to tell your kids to "go jump in the lake"..............because if you do, I just may be posting another police report about some kids cutting a hole in frozen Lake Superior and doing exactly what their mom TOLD them to do............................

More Local Police Reports!!!

Yes, it's time again for more Local Police Reports!!!!

along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.

1. I think she might have lost her way from New York City. And I bet her feet in those sandals are pretty cold up here in the frozen tundra.

2. That must have been SOME party. I am so jealous.

3. What? Walking in the turn lane? The nerve! Bring me your tired, your hungry, your huddled masses, but don't have them in the turn lane, Dude.

4. This was in January, not in October near Halloween. I wonder if this person worked at one of those singing telegram places and got disoriented then?

5. Frankly, if I was going to dress in costume to get noticed, I think I would have picked Wonder Woman or something other than the Statue of Liberty. Because, the SOL costume is pretty dowdy, really. Wonder woman would have at least had pointy boobs and a shiny belt, for cryin' out loud. Sure, it would have been colder with more skin showing, but hey, she wears boots anyway!

6. Wonder if her arm got sore from holding up the torch?

7. Wonder if that is why the person reporting her got mad. It was a turn lane. The costumed-one should have put her hand to signal turning right or left and not left it in the upward position to hold the torch. Yeah, that's it....

8. Was the torch lit? (I bet SHE was!)

9. Where is the sense of humor of the person that reported her? I suppose she would report Ben Franklin or George Washington if they had been in costume in the turn lane too. I bet she calls the police on that guy waving you in to Little Caesar's for pizza too. (By the way, I hope they pay those poor suckers a LOT).

10. By the way..did you also read the one about the cat in the trap with white around his eyes? WTF? What is the deal with reporting the white around his eyes? Isn' t it bad enough he was in the trap? Sure hope the trap wasn't near the turning lane....

More Local Police Reports!!

Yes!

It is time again for more LOCAL POLICE REPORTS! along with MY COMMENTS:

1. Okay. That was ME.

2. Not really. (But it could have been).

3. Wonder who called this into the police? The neighbors? The neighbors five blocks away? (Because if it was me, they'd hear me five blocks away).

4. No. Wait. I wouldn't have screamed. I would have dragged my camera out and tried to take a macro of the bug.

5. Maybe taking the macro WHILE SCREAMING.

6. Did they arrest her?

7. Or the bug?

More Local Police Reports!!!

So today, I thought I would give you a break from all of the Florida vacation photos and once again post a local Police Report along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics, like usual...

Don't worry, there will be more tropical pictures still coming tomorrow.

I still have a ton of them.

Oh, and remember to enter the PHOTO CONTEST...keep looking for something rusty and send me an email with your photo attached by Jan. 31st!

So, here goes:

**************************************************************************************
1. So the first one: Say WHAT?

Who was fighting WHO?

His wife's ex-girlfriend? His ex-girlfriend? His ex-girlfriend's wife?

I am still not sure. And WHO called this into the police? Him? His wife? His ex-girlfriend? His wife's ex-girlfriend?

Is this Kate and Jon?

Is this Tiger Woods? Did anyone have a golf club?

2. WHO can't relate to this lady when we all have had all this snow and cold and ice? She is a prisoner in her own home.

So remind each other when you are ready to call the police that you really shouldn't call the police when the ice is hanging in front of your door.

Even if you feel like you have cabin fever.

Even if you may get impaled like a dagger.

Even if you might feel like impaling yourself with the icicle...hang in there.

Spring is only about 90 or so days away.............

More local Police Reports!...

Yes! It is time again for a short local Police Report from our neck of da' woods.



Here is a quick one I just had to share with you, along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics:

Ummmm....excuse ME??

Did it say false teeth on the beach???

Now that would BITE, wouldn't it?

And, how on EARTH did the person lose the false teeth on the beach in the first place? (That must have been one helluva big wave???!)

And, don't you THINK the person who lost their teeth would have noticed that their teeth were missing right away???

And wouldn't the first thing you would do (upon finding them there) would be to call the police?

I mean, there must be a crime involved here somewhere??....

Maybe this is where the concept/expression of "cash for clunkers" came about?

Ah, yes. It is exciting to live here. Beyond belief. You never know what hedious crime will occur.

More Local Police Reports!!

Yes, indeed.

It's that time again.

Time for a local Police Report for you straight from here. I know you can hardly contain yourselves.

This is a short one. Only one thing circled:

For my fellow Bifocal wearers, I will retype this little jewel for you below:

"7:15 pm: report of stolen vehicle, later found. Owner had forgotten where it was parked."

************************************************************************************

MY COMMENTS:

1. Did they give them the name of the local Alzheimer's Unit?

2. Did they give them a breathalizer test?

3. Did they check to see if it really was this person's car, or did the police just help someone steal a car?

4. Was it ME? (I'll never tell)......

5. Quit laughing. It could have been YOU. Admit it. Who hasn't gone into Walmart and then come out and have NO IDEA where you parked? If you said it hasn't happened to you, you are a liar.

6. Like, dude. How embarrassed would you be? Here is the police. Everybody is watching what the deal is. You are distraught, giving the police the description of your car:

"Oh, Dear. That car is just a few years old. I just don't know WHAT I am going to do!" (wringing hands).

Officer: Its okay, M'am. We will do our best to find it for you and put the person in jail who did this to you.

"And I had my favorite pictures in the car of my kids. Oh Dear!" (starting to cry now)

Officer: Don't cry. We will give you a ride home. Is there anyone we can call for you?

"Oh, my husband is going to be SO upset! He doesn't even like it when the car gets a spot of dirt on it..and now THIS. How will I ever tell him?"

Officer: We can help you with that. We can tell him of all the statistics of car thefts in the area. It happens more often than you know, Ma'm. Could have happened to anyone!

"Wait a minute....ummmmmmmmm"....(look of recognition and then horror) "I THINK...I mean don't quote me on this..but I THINK maybe....just maybe...that's my car right here. Well, what do you think of that??? (looking at shoes and kicking can)...maybe they brought it back? (smiling weakly). I mean...it is possible that I might have, well, maybe...just a tinsy bit maybe...have just forgotten that I parked it here???? I mean they all do kinda look alike, don't they? Officer???? Officer???? Now where did they GO?"......

Just remember this lady when you think YOU are having a bad day. Not so bad NOW , is it???

Local Police Report Time Again...

Yes, I am overdue in giving you my regular post of local news reports. I have quite the collection of them all the way from last year, since I started reading them and finding them so funny. This one is over a year old already. How time flies when we are having fun.

Once again, MY COMMENTS are in bold italics below:




1. Drunken men throwing apples:
Well, this would not be a problem if the goal is to make applesauce. And, it is cheaper than paint shooting at others. If you get hit, you just eat the applesauce and juice from your wounds.
How did they know they were drunk? Maybe it was an anger management therapy group? Maybe it was an innovative baseball training practice?

2. Possible dog bite:
Now this one intrigues me. How would they NOT know what animal bit them? Maybe it was a drunken apple thrower that got bit and he just can't recall what bit him?

3. Juveniles spraying water at an outbuilding:
That may not be a bad thing. If the outbuilding was an outhouse, it would actually be a community service, now wouldn't it? Or, if the building needed painting, they may have been pressure washing the building.

4. Kids diving off crane:
Now THIS would concern me if they didn't have bungee cords. Come to think of it, if they didn't have bungee cords, they could only do it ONCE, right? If they DID have bungee cords, it was pretty inventive and cheap entertainment. At least the little buggers weren't spraying outbuildings or throwing apples, right?

That's the local police report for this week! Evidently, it was another slow news day in the U.P. for crime (Thank goodness) and a good day for a chuckle...

More Local Police Reports!!!

Time again for more local police reports, along with MY COMMENTS. I have collected them for a while. As you can see, this one was from 2008!

Let's go through these, shall we?

1. Dead Squirrel? Man, I could call the police every day for this one, only related more to chipmunks, but I just don't have the heart to kill the ones invading my bird feeder by the hour.

Why didn't they just bury it? Why call the police over a DEAD SQUIRREL? These people have WAY too much time on their hands!

2. Dryer lint littering alley: Wow. Again, I wonder if this is the same bored people calling in dead squirrel reports to the police. For God's sake people, GET A LIFE! Besides, they should have gathered it up and stuffed some pillows with it. There, case closed. I wonder how BIG a ball of lint it was, for goodness sake...and if it was really big, what size dryer did it come from? How are they SURE it is dryer lint?

3. Not ONE but TWO reports about a motor bike in the road. At TWO DIFFERENT addresses....I don't get it! Aren't they SUPPOSED to ride on the road? Where else ARE they supposed to ride? I mean, there is no ban on motorbikes riding on the road in our county, so why did these two, separate people call this in? Was the motorbike rider naked? Was he yelling obscenities? Was it an animal driving? What? What was he doing that was illegal? I hope if it was an animal driving it, he at least wore a helmet.

Evidently, it was a slow, boring day in August 2008. Wonder what people would do if someone actually broke the law?...........................................